In an era of instant access, feedback, and conversation, the act
of listening has taken a back seat to the act of speaking. Conversation has
been replaced with the act of being heard, and social media has given people
the platform and convenience of doing it on-demand. This is replicated across our TV’s and news stations, breeding new desires to speak
sooner, to speak louder, and to ensure we are heard.
With the rise of technology there has been an increased
detachment from true conversation. Twitter and Facebook are just two examples of platforms that can further
this detachment, but the problem doesn't stop there. Pew
Research found
that 73% of cell phone users send and receive text messages. Of those, nearly
one-third said that they preferred communicating through text messages rather
than speaking on the phone. But what does this mean?
We, as a society, are becoming increasingly more concerned
with getting our message out than the interaction or dialogue that may surround
it. The myriad of communication mediums gives us the option to forego human
interaction, and allows us to evangelize our message to as broad an audience as
possible, as often as we like. This is exacerbated by the willingness of others
to listen to our message without a face-to-face response, instead choosing to
dialogue over the web and accepting the human disconnect as par for the course.
A 2013 market study
by Arbitron and Edison Research concluded that
the average Facebook user, ages 12 and up,
had an average of 303 friends. Through that same study, the
18-24 demographic responded with the highest value amongst those
polled, averaging 510 friends. Considering 23% of Facebook users check their account 5+ times a day
(roughly every 90 minutes), there is good reason to understand why human
interaction is becoming unnecessary.
So how did we get here? Perhaps it is the shift in our
environment; from a primarily auditory or haptic structure to a predominantly visual one. As a modern society, our
homes are stocked with computers, tablets, and smart phones. Each device
addresses us in an individual and visual way. We are ever-connected and one
click away from the latest status update, Instagram picture, or "10 ways to..." article.
The shift has been subtle yet profound. Without auditory or haptic experiences, our verbal communication suffers.
But is technology the real driver here, or is this something
we, as humans, innately suffer from? Author Brenda Ueland wrote on this very subject, penning the idea
that as far as listening, "...we forget it. And how we don't listen
to our children, or those we love." She expounds that "when we listen
to people there is an alternating current that recharges us so we never get
tired of each other." As relevant as these words are for our society
today, Ueland passed away nearly 30 years ago.
When
we concern ourselves more with ensuring our message is heard rather than diving
deep and listening to the other person, our relationships suffer. This, over
time, dulls our listening skills, and without frequent use, we lose out on the
benefits of listening; getting to know someone or fully understanding not
just what the person is saying, but how they
are saying it. In the business world, this means positioning the wrong product
or solution set, not clearly understanding the client's problem, or missing out
on building a layer of trust around the project or sale. It also helps to
eliminate blind spots we may be developing socially as well as cut off
close-mindedness.
Ueland also
argues that the act of listening spawns creativity. She postulates that
"when people really listen (to us), with quiet, fascinated attention, that
the little fountain (spirit, or the intelligence, or the imagination) begins to
work again, to accelerate in the most surprising way".
A
practical example of this can be found in brainstorming. When a new idea is
presented, it is often challenged or modified into something even better than
the original through constructive dialogue - something that requires attentive
listening.
So
how can we save the frog in the warming kettle? It starts with a culture shift,
one conversation at a time.
We must learn when to turn
technology off. As much as we think we are natural multi-taskers, the person in
front of us is more important than the email, blog, tweet, or status update. Be
engaged.
We must actively listen to ensure
we are hearing the other person correctly. This means repeating,
summarizing, or confirming what you think was said, and to dig at the areas
that may be inferred. Ask clarifying questions that show you understand the
other person, or are trying to understand them.
We must understand that this issue
is holding us back from being a better version of ourselves, both personally
and professionally. Without it friendships and relationships remain stagnant. Sales
will be lost. Partnerships will stall.
The act
of listening must be passionately pursued. Our future depends on it.
